It’s hard to classify Thailand – ancient culture, friendly people, and a 7-11 on every corner. Long sandy beaches, green hills, fruit falling from the trees. Mopeds carrying a family of 5, or a 15 foot ladder. Every other shop is either a massage parlor, a tailor, or a restaurant specializing in spaghetti bolonese.
Other tourist areas seem spoiled by tourism. Phuket seems defined by it. Take away the overweight, sunburned tourists and Phuket would cease to be, at least from the point of reference of today. So many places in the world depend on tourism as a means to survive. When you think about it, it seems a little absurd: the thing that a local economy depends on is the fact that large numbers of people will like your home more than their own.
Taken to extremes, and remembering that the grass always seems greener across the fence, why don’t neighbors offer their homes as holiday destinations? You could approach your neighbor and say, “Hey Joe, you have always admired my back yard, and I would die for the workshop you have in your garage. How’s about we swap houses for a couple of weeks?” Of course, it would never work. The minute you arrived next door, you would look across the fence and get a real feeling of jealousy for your own barbecue.
Still, some have actually done this on a global scale. Go on the world-wide-web and you will find several web sites intended help you find that perfect holiday destination in the suburbs of Paris or London. Over the fence jealousy is optional. I’m sure it would be quite easy to find a Phuket local who would be quite willing to to let you use his shack for a few weeks. He might even throw in his moped.
I read a book a couple of years ago about fitness. The main premise was that our bodies and minds evolved on savanna. Physically and mentally we are still set up to chase down deer and spend long periods of time sitting in caves waiting for winter to end. What part of any of this evolution programmed us to desire that nice hotel room with the beach view? What similarity exists between clobbering a saber tooth tiger with a rock and two weeks taking in the sights in Tuscany?
I guess part of it is the human instinct of story telling, which is clearly the natural evolution from standing on a rock holding the severed head of your foe, screaming at the top of your lungs. This of course is derived from an even more fundamental instinct: the desire to impress women. You think your neighbor is sincere when he shows you 36 jillion slides of his recent beach holiday in Mexico, complete with carefully choreographed photo sequences of the consumption of every burrito that he ate? Hell no. He’s just waiting for you to fall asleep so he can put the moves on your wife.
Evolution happens.
Of course, no where does this instinct more clearly show itself than on the beach. The beaches in Phuket (Remember Phuket? This story is about Phuket.) are no exception. Tanned and greased, overweight German men strut their stuff wearing Speedos so small that if the spandex snaps someone is going to get hurt.
Another Tourist Swimsuit Accident – Bystander Critical Authorities today announced an investigation has been launched into the recent rash of snapping swimsuits. The tenth such accident yesterday resulted in the hospitalization of a person standing nearby an obese German man when his Speedo swimsuit gave way after being overstretched. A witness stated that “it sounded like a gunshot”, while another warned “Stay away from those guys, they’ll put your eye out.” The unnamed bystander was rushed to hospital, but rescue personnel were unsuccessful in lifting the heavy German sunbather due to the excessively greasy condition of his skin. “Besides, he looked gross with his willy hanging out like that.” one EMT said.